The Story: Remembering of No who is the Photo of your Girlfriend After a Time.

Take Your Pick

Por: Shamir Galvá

A friend of mine, Karl, was in the army. Unfortunately, he had to serve overseas for six months. At first, his girlfriend, to whom he had been engaged for almost a year, wrote lovingly every two days. Karl waited eagerly for every letter and read them secretly under his blankets every night. After about a month, the letters arrived less frequently and Karl seemed less interested in reading them.

Finally, after about four months, his girlfriend wrote to inform him that she was breaking off their engagement and asked him to return her photo immediately.

Karl went out and collected all the unwanted photos of wives, fiancées, and girlfriends from the other soldiers and carefully put them in an envelope with a note saying:

 “Regret I cannot remember which one is you. Please keep your photo and return the others!”

My sister had a similar problem. Her boyfriend, who got on very well with our father, broke off their engagement after a bitter argument. The next day he came around to ask Dad for some advice.

My sister opened the door. Her former boyfriend asked stiffly, “Is your father in? I have business to discuss with him.”

My sister replied equally coldly, “Unfortunately, my father is away until Thursday.”

“Thank you,” replied the young man, and turned to leave without another word. This was too much for my sister.

“Who shall I say called?” she shouted. 

From: SUCCESS Communicating in English Michael Walker ADDISON-WESLEY PUBLISHING COMPANY 1995

The History: A Bad News Letter

A Near Miss

Por: Shamir Galvá

O

ne day, Peter Lenz, a young German from Berlin, was upset when he received some bad news in the mail. It was his call-up papers. He did not have any desire to spend the next two years doing military service somewhere miles away from his home and family, but he could not think of any good excuse. 

He did not suffer from any disability or sickness. He did not know anybody with “influence” who could help him in some way. He and his wife of three months did not have any children, so he could not refer to any special family circumstances.

As soon as he opened the letter, his wife Claudia knew there was something wrong. Peter explained the problem. They had to do something. Anything was better than two years away from home.

Fortunately, Claudia had an idea. She was a diabetic. At the examination, Peter could switch a specimen of her urine for his own and fool the doctors. They would excuse him on medical grounds!

After the examination two days later, peter returned home confident that their trick had worked. He was astonished a week later to receive orders to report for duty in a town 200 miles from home.

An officer explained, “We would have believed that you were diabetic, but not that you were pregnant, too!”

From: SUCCESS Communicating in English Michael Walker ADDISON-WESLEY PUBLISHING COMPANY 1995

The Funny Story of not Mess with the Referee

Don’t Mess with the Referee!

Por: Shamir Galvá

The towns of Weston and Dustin had been bitter rivals for many years. Each year on the first of May, they used to meet in the annual soccer match on neutral ground between the two towns. Neither of the teams was used to losing—or winning, for that matter. The matches usually ended in a tie. Nobody can remember the last time either team won!

The last match was in 1990, and this is what happened. The score was tied at one goal each. The Weston team scored just as the referee called the end of the game. The angry players and supporters of the Weston team chased the referee from the field.

The referee was a fast runner, and dashed into a restaurant. But the owner of the restaurant was a Weston fan. He recognized the referee and threw him out.

The referee was used to dealing with angry teams, and he made a plan to get the last laugh. He called up the coach of the Weston team and pretended he was the owner of the restaurant. “You ought to bring your whole team over here,” he said. “I’d like to offer you a free meal.”

He then called the restaurant and said he was the coach of the Weston team.

“I’d like to bring my whole team over and buy them a meal,” he said.

Who do you think paid the bill at the end of the meal?  

From: SUCCESS Communicating in English Michael Walker ADDISON-WESLEY PUBLISHING COMPANY 1995

The History: The Police False or Maniquies

Mistaken Identify

Por: Albert Shamir Galvá de Jesús

The chief of police in a small country town was not enjoying himself. Traffic was out of control. The police department was suffering from a severe shortage of manpower. Two of his officers had injured themselves in a car accident. Another officer had hurt herself when she tried to stop a runaway horse.

The chief and his deputy were sitting by themselves in the office. They were complaining about how much they had to do and how little money they had to do it with.

“I wake up every morning, look at myself in the mirror, ask myself how I am going to get through the day,” said the chief.

“Have you ever thought about hiring more officers?” suggested the deputy.

“You know we’re just fooling ourselves. We don’t have any money for more officers.”

At just that moment, the cleaning lady put her head in the door. “Why don’t you buy a tailor’s dummy?” she asked. The chief and his deputy looked at each other in amazement as they realized what a great idea it was!

They dressed the dummy in full police uniform, placed it behind the wheel of a spare patrol car, and left it by the roadside. All the speeding stopped. Motorists slammed on the brakes as soon as they saw the car with the cop in it.

Some motorists made real fools of themselves and even stopped to ask for directions!

From: SUCCESS Communicating in English Michael Walker ADDISON-WESLEY PUBLISHING COMPANY  1995

A Very, Very, Fast, Driver: Jim and Liz

Liz the Fast Driver

Escrito por: Albert Shamir Galvá de Jesús

J

im and Liz are on vacation. Liz is a very fast driver. Unfortunately, the roads in the mountains are full of hairpin turns, and Jim is a very nervous passenger.

“Why doesn’t she slow down?” he asks himself.

“Why don’t we go faster?” shouts Liz.

A mile later, they pass a sign for the freeway. “Why didn’t you take the freeway?” asks Jim.

“Because the freeway doesn’t have so many turns!” replies Liz. “Why don’t you open the window so that we can smell the mountain air?”

“Because you are driving too fast!”

Liz puts her foot down and drives even faster. “Oh, why didn’t I keep my mouth shut?” thinks Jim.

The roads get narrower and steeper. The turns get sharper. “Please, please, why don’t we take it easy?” begs Jim.

“If you’re scared, why don’t you do what I do?” screams Liz.

“What’s that?”

“Close my eyes!”

From: SUCCESS Communicating in English Michael Walker ADDISON-WESLEY PUBLISHING COMPANY  1995

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